The great thing about America is that if there’s a problem, somebody will come up with a solution. Just a little ingenuity and hard work (not valid if you study ideology, you know who you are) can turn you from a retail sales clerk into a millionaire overnight. In fact, some of the greatest inventions have solved problems we, as a nation, didn’t even know we had; like, a lack of lithic pets. Then there’s the Snuggie, America’s answer to the problem of being too dumb and/or lazy to figure out how to put on a sweater. Sure, if you’re like me, and you believe that the proper temperature is just warm enough to keep the houseplants alive, a Snuggie might seem like a great idea. Neglect that the bathrobe has already been invented and that, as a human, you have opposable thumbs, which can be used to put on all manner of clothing that could solve the same problem at, well, free, provided you already own a sweater.

Of course, while you can master the complicated task of sweater wearing, your poor dog is left to suffer. Hence, the Snuggie for dogs. It’s like they’ve never realized that dogs come with blankets pre-installed, it’s called fur. It’s things like this that make me start to think that Osama has a point. Really, I think he’d get a lot more favorably press if he’d just lead his videos with these commercials and point out this is exactly what he’s talking about. Sure, “great satan” may still be a little much, but there are people starving all over the world and we’re putting custom tailored blankets on dogs

And remember, stay off my lawn.