Maine gets gay marriage and the Christians waaaaaaa, waaaaaa, waaaaaa about the same old bullshit they have no clue about.   But in all more wonderful news apparently there’s some bullshit resolution trying to get passed to affirm our religious heritage.  It’s laced with all sorts of wonderful bullshit and logical fallacies.   I love how we can only recognize Christianity as an influence on America.  Seriously, we understand that Christianity has had a large influence on America.  It’s had a large influence on the world.  Nobody is denying that fact.  But what the fuck does that get you?  Who the fuck cares if people looked to God for guidance for all those years?  It doesn’t give you some magical claim to rule the land.

I don’t care how many times our founding fathers used the word “God,” it doesn’t change how things should be run now, with over 200 years of scientific discovery.  Do they honestly believe that our founding fathers would hold the same opinions if they’d have had the chance to read the works of Darwin, or had the scientific knowledge at the end of the nineteenth century?   Acknowledging our heritage doesn’t change how the country is supposed to be run.  It doesn’t mean we get to become a theocracy.  I really don’t get their point.  It doesn’t change the present.  It doesn’t change our interpretation of law.

Just read some of the shit they put in.  Notice how every whereas is exclusive only to Christianity.  No other religion need apply to the most diverse population on the planet.  So Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Mormons, Scientologists, and so on can go fuck their contributions to society.

Whereas the Supreme Court of the United States affirmed
this self-evident fact in a unanimous ruling declaring
‘‘This is a religious people . . . From the discovery of
this continent to the present hour, there is a single voice
making this affirmation’’;

Yeah, that’d be great, if it were at all true.  I mean, all those pesky atheists, Jews, Muslims, etc…  Yeah, all that one voice.  Fuck E pluribus unum.

Whereas political scientists have documented that the most
frequently cited source in the political period known as
The Founding Era was the Bible;

That’s nice and all, but could you provide proof that it was the most cited source for our founding documents?  I cite works of fiction all the time for my essays, but that doesn’t mean that they’re relevant to a discussion on biology.  Perhaps we could be honest and point out that people like Locke had quite a bigger influence on what was actually written down to govern the country than the sky fairy.   After all, Jefferson tried to ax slavery from the get go.

Whereas Congress regularly attended church and Divine service
together en masse;

That’s wonderful, if only it wasn’t an appeal to authority.

Whereas throughout the American Founding, Congress frequently
appropriated money for missionaries and for religious
instruction, a practice that Congress repeated for
decades after the passage of the Constitution and the
First Amendment;

And states used to have official state religion.  Just because we used to do something doesn’t mean it was a good fucking idea.   After all, colonizing people is kind of a dick move no matter how you frame it.

Whereas the delegates to the Constitutional Convention concluded
their work by in effect placing a religious punctuation
mark at the end of the Constitution in the Attestation
Clause, noting not only that they had completed the
work with ‘‘the unanimous consent of the States present’’
but they had done so ‘‘in the Year of our Lord one thousand
seven hundred and eighty seven’’;

You know what I love about this argument.  It completely ignores the cultural context of the time period.  Dating things “in the Year of our Lord” is a very common phrase.   Considering the calender is based off the bullshit date of Jesus’s birth phrasing such as that isn’t too far off.  It’s kind of a stretch to make that mean, “We’re doing this because God said so.”

Whereas in 1789, Congress, in the midst of framing the Bill
of Rights and the First Amendment, passed the first
Federal law touching education, declaring that ‘‘Religion,
morality, and knowledge, being necessary to good government
and the happiness of mankind, schools and the
means of education shall forever be encouraged’’;

Yes, that’s nice.  See, we have this thing called science.  There’s some very interesting things we discovered in the past few hundred years.  Hell, there’s some very interesting philosophy that predates this very time period.   And again, just because some people a long time ago who don’t have the benefit of modern knowledge said something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to listen to them.

Whereas in 1853, the United States Senate declared that the
Founding Fathers ‘‘had no fear or jealousy of religion
itself, nor did they wish to see us an irreligious people
. . . they did not intend to spread over all the public authorities
and the whole public action of the nation the
dead and revolting spectacle of atheistical apathy’’;

Did they ask them?  I’m glad that we got together and voted on what the founding fathers thought.  Does that mean we can, when atheists finally rule this country, make our founding fathers all atheists by decree?  Doesn’t it strike anybody as a little disingenuous to use a senatorial decree to the beliefs of people they didn’t ask as evidence that we’re a Christian nation.  Seems a little bit, how do I put this, dictatorial.

Whereas in 1854, the United States House of Representatives
declared ‘‘It [religion] must be considered as the
foundation on which the whole structure rests . . . Christianity;
in its general principles, is the great conservative
element on which we must rely for the purity and permanence
of free institutions’’;

So, since Congress is always right does that mean the Christian Conservatives have to shut the bloody fuck up about socialized medicine, the bailouts, environmental bills, stimulus packages, raised taxes on the fucking rich, etc, and so on?

Whereas President Jefferson not only attended Divine services
at the Capitol throughout his presidency and had the
Marine Band play at the services, but during his administration
church services were also begun in the War Department
and the Treasury Department, thus allowing
worshippers on any given Sunday the choice to attend
church at either the United States Capitol, the War Department,
or the Treasury Department if they so desired;
Whereas Thomas Jefferson urged local governments to make
land available specifically for Christian purposes, provided
Federal funding for missionary work among Indian
tribes, and declared that religious schools would receive
‘‘the patronage of the government’’;

Whereas Jefferson rewrote the Bible to take out all of the miracles of Jesus.  Whereas Jefferson boned his slaves. Whereas can we please stop fucking cherry picking our founding fathers for quotes that fit our biased viewpoints and view these people as the complicated god damn individuals that they were, or at least fucking admit to their deism and not look like pompous asses.

Whereas every other President has similarly recognized the
role of God and religious faith in the public life of America;

Yeah, it’s kind of called, I want to fucking get elected and this country is still full of discriminatory, bigoted asses.

Whereas Justice John Jay, an author of the Federalist Papers
and original Justice of the United States Supreme
Court, urged ‘‘The most effectual means of securing the
continuance of our civil and religious liberties is always
to remember with reverence and gratitude the Source
from which they flow’’;

Oh, the Federalists, they weren’t a large group of elitists who thought that only the countries rich and powerful should be in charge of ruling the nation.

Whereas Justice James Wilson, a signer of the Constitution,
declared that ‘‘Human law must rest its authority ultimately
upon the authority of that law which is Divine
. . . Far from being rivals or enemies, religion and law
are twin sisters, friends, and mutual assistants’’;
Whereas Justice William Paterson, a signer of the Constitution,
declared that ‘‘Religion and morality . . . [are] necessary
to good government, good order, and good laws’’;

Yeah, funny thing about that.  Turns out, didn’t make it into the Constitution.

Whereas religious artwork is found throughout the United
States Capitol, including in the Rotunda where the pray-
er service of Christopher Columbus,

Genocidal fucktard that was taken back in chains.  Enslaved the natives.

the Baptism of Pocahontas,

Genocide of the native peoples, enslavement, destruction of a culture.

and the prayer and Bible study of the Pilgrims

Stealing of lands, breaking of treaties, betrayal of the good will of others.

are all prominently displayed; in the Cox Corridor of the
Capitol where the words ‘‘America! God shed His grace
on thee’’ are inscribed; at the east Senate entrance with
the words ‘‘Annuit Coeptis’’ which is Latin for ‘‘God has
favored our undertakings’’; and in numerous other locations;

Yep, quite a case you make there for what a great thing Christianity has done.  Why not just throw in the El Requiremento for good measure?

Whereas of the 5 areas inside the Jefferson Memorial into
which Jefferson’s words have been carved, 4 are God-centered,
including Jefferson’s declaration that ‘‘God who
gave us life gave us liberty. Can the liberties of a nation
be secure when we have removed a conviction that these
liberties are the gift of God? Indeed I tremble for my
country when I reflect that God is just, that His justice
cannot sleep forever’’;

I’m so certain that Jefferson really had a say in the matter.  It couldn’t have been that a biased individual who favored Christianity cherry picked these sayings in order to place a false emphasis on a fictional historical construct of our founding fathers.   No, couldn’t have been that at all.

I think they forgot to add something at the end.

Whereas the Treaty of Tripoli, an official binding document of the U.S. government, ratified by Congress and signed by President Adams states in article 11, “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.”

And the Christians are up in arms about how hate crime legislation is going to curb their free speech.   I think Jon Stewart summed the entire thing up best.  Hate crime or not, you still don’t get to punch people in the face.  Seriously, you can still say whatever the fuck you want.  You just can’t physically fucking assault somebody.