As the self-appointed minister of telling people how shit should be I’d like to enlighten the general public of my ongoing with the channel that is still misguidedly referring to itself as “The History Channel,” or something along those lines. While I am ready to forgive their incessant reality t.v. show shenanigans, they’ve already been pushing it for quite some time. At the very least, reality t.v. shows document events that will eventually be history.
On the other hand, their incessant obsession with the future end of the world, the destruction of the earth by a billion different means, obscure predictions based on fluffy lunacy, and an overall dedication to the phrase “oh my god, we’re all going to die” has forced me to revoke their right to the word “history.” On the same note, I am also removing Fox’s ability to use the word “news.” Anyways, there are certain qualifications one must meet in order to use “history.” One of these is that the events being portrayed have, and this is key, actually happened.
Thus, here are some new and approved names for which the History Channel can rebrand themselves:
The OH FUCK! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! Network
The Disaster Channel
Apocalypse
The ETWN Network brought to you by Michael Bay
In other topics, the tea baggers are continually missing the fatal flaw in their logic behind their small get togethers. They tragically assume that anybody is actually listening to them. Yes, we understand that these gatherings of middle-age to elderly white people are aimed at getting a small group of rich elitests to pay attention, but let’s be honest, how much has your special interest group contributed to their campaign? What’s that, zero? My point exactly.
For those of you who haven’t noticed, Fox has a show called “Lie to Me.” A little bit ironical given their impressive record for telling the truth.
Tags: Fox News, History Channel
