From The Desk of Van Booven 7/26/2008 Intelligent Design


Dear Creationists,

If you’re going to call it intelligent design then you have to provide evidence that your designer is actually intelligent. You’re going to have a hard time convincing me that Lindsay Lohan was the product of an intelligent being. And lets talk about the genius design of our asshole. A system so great that the best way we’ve come up with getting it clean is to rub it raw with paper. And what was so intelligent about putting the forbidden tree of knowledge where they could reach it. I don’t know about you, but if I was an all powerful designer that didn’t want people to gain knowledge I wouldn’t create an apple tree that gave knowledge to you if you ate it in the first place.

The case for God’s, I mean intelligent designer’s, supposed intelligence isn’t exactly going to well. Just look at God’s track record. Oops, I said what you really believe again. He created the dinosaurs and they turned out to be a huge flop. Too dumb to even acknowledge His existence. Creates humans, eat from his tree, devolve into sin. Build a giant monument to meet Him. has to destroy it and scramble the languages. Tries a few minor destructive acts to get humanity’s attention that go pretty well ignored. Finally destroys most of the the planet in the flood except anything that could swim. Because those bastard sharks apparently never, ever, did anything wrong. That alone is a huge mark against Him in my book. So then his chosen people wind up enslaved. So he frees them and sets them loose. Gives them some rules which they’re already breaking before they even get delivered and so ignoring ex-posto-facto he makes them wander in a desert for forty years. Then these chosen people get slaughtered and used as the scapegoat of humanity for the next few thousand years until secularism takes off. If anything it seems to me that His creations are constantly outsmarting Him.

Then there was the whole matter of it taking him about four and a half billion years to get all this work done and the small clerical error of writing it down as six thousand years. You know, for somebody whose supposed to be so intelligent you’d think He’d at least not have fucked that one up. And rather than doing the intelligent thing of fixing the book he decided he’d just turn everything into a clever rouse that was just made to look like it took four billion years.

Just because somebody is all-knowing and all-powerful it doesn’t make them all-intelligent. It’s like a retarded kid on Wikipedia. He’s got all the information but he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. It’d just be nice if you morons started using Google instead of Ask Jeeves. If evolution is only just a theory then intelligent design is only just bullshit propagated by people created in God’s own image. Which, when you think about it is a pretty stellar reason to believe that He isn’t all that bright to begin with. Seriously, if you’re going to say God made you in his image, please try not to convince me that he might be a redneck. In his own image He made a people who are completely capable of ignoring logic and reason to believe in some bullshit like intelligent design.

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