People that need to be smacked
- People who clap at the end of movies. Unless you’re at the premiere, nobody in that movie theatre had anything to do with that movie. Trust me, if by some odd chance the best boy grip is in the theatre with his mom, he’s not going to feel any more appreciated that you applauded the movie. It’s not a live performance. The only person doing any actual work at that moment is the projectionist and the underpaid teenagers waiting for you to move your fat ass out of the the theatre so they can clean it. So don’t applaud. Sitting on your ass through a movie isn’t an Olympic sport.
Religion is the imagined relationship to the imagined.
I’m a rebel, I make wishes at 12:12.
Sometimes, when I see older people, I like to think of them as
time-traveling future versions of myself come back to look in on me.
Sometimes, I’m also rather disappointed.
To chicken should be a verb. Make it happen English speaking people.
I’m not sure which power I’d rather have as Jesus: water into wine or water into coffee drinks. Sure, the wine is more expensive, but the coffee adds up after a while. Plus, you can’t always have wine with you and you don’t need it everyday. When you think about it, if you can pop a good latte into existence you’re going to be able to pay for the wine. And how do you age a wine you just popped into existence? You know Jesus wasn’t popping $6k bottles of ’45 Bordeaux into existence.
Evgeni Plushenko, the Russian figure skater, could totally rock a Lincoln beard and top hat. Also, if you’re going to say your opponent skates like a girl, well, you might not want to be referring to a sport that is essentially dance moves. Seriously, when you’re not jumping you’re waving your arms around in choreographed moves. Oh, and you’re a sexist jackass.
