In an effort to further ensure that American teen years are filled with enough extra-curricular activities and volunteer work to make Mother Teresa look like a greedy bitch, Tufts University is allowing applicants to include a Youtube video about what unique little wallflowers they are. I feel a little bit better that Tufts is a private institution—why else would the New York Times cover the story—but you know that such things are bound to catch. There’s two concerns I have with this trend: privilege and competition.

The whole shebang is bad enough when you click on the examples page and see a shining sea of white kids. While the idea to give prospective students a new way to express themselves isn’t a bad idea, video editing isn’t exactly a college necessary skill, or a regular part of the high school curriculum. Let’s be honest about the situation, the underprivileged are getting screwed here. Underfunded schools are less likely to have video equipment, much less a class. Proper video editing software is rather expensive. Knowing what you’re doing takes some time. And that’s all assuming you have a camera and a computer powerful enough.

More annoying is that this video contest is just one more thing to push onto the youth of America in order to increase the competition among students for the privilege of attending university. As I alluded to in the opening, we’re continuing to increase what is expected of our teens. Not only is learning citizenship not enough, but now it must be demonstrated, with mandatory service to graduate high school in some locals, and you’re going to want to cram in as many extra-curricular activities and leadership positions as you can to pad up that resume. Quite frankly, there’s nothing more annoying than someone who’s there because they want to line on the cv, especially as they’re often terrible leaders who should never be in charge of anything.

And in four years you’ll have a nice collection of business majors ready to take on the rigors of middle management. Turns out, well-rounded, outgoing, over-extended nuts aren’t exactly the kind of people who make all the improvements to society.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for “balance” by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

I think I just found my new favorite terrorist group.

Read more of their agenda here.

The Washington Post recently published an interesting article in which the Senate was, in a sense, redistricted based on more common groupings like class, age, race, or gender (which would quickly put an end to the large group of white dudes who aren’t yet dead). This imaginative scenario is interesting enough on its own, but the breakdown of economic demographics demonstrates a real disconnect in American middle class ideology and American middle class reality.

Imagine a chamber in which senators were elected by different income brackets — with two senators representing the poorest 2 percent of the electorate, two senators representing the richest 2 percent and so on.

Based on Census Bureau data, five senators would represent Americans earning between $100,000 and $1 million individually per year, with a single senator working on behalf of the millionaires (technically, it would be two-tenths of a senator). Eight senators would represent Americans with no income. Sixteen would represent Americans who make less than $10,000 a year, an amount well below the federal poverty line for families. The bulk of the senators would work on behalf of the middle class, with 34 representing Americans making $30,000 to $80,000 per year.

Imagine trying to convince someone — Michael Bloomberg, perhaps? — to be the lonely senator representing the richest percentile. And what if the senators were apportioned according to jobs figures? This year, the unemployed would have gained two seats. Think of the deals that would be made to attract that bloc!

• The very fact that urinals have not become known as ‘Urination Stations’ is, to me, an indication of the vast failure of edu-speak to do anything productive for the English lexicon.
• I’m fairly certain the meaning of life is to not get eaten by the fast things with sharp pointy teeth, or if one happens to be a fast thing with sharp pointy teeth, help the fat slow things fail at life.
• I want to get a group dressed up as redcoats to march on the tea partiers and help them take back the country from those dirty liberals who stole it from its rightful owners so many years ago.
• The reason you can’t have fight clubs today is that too many people would be trying for leadership positions to add to their college resumes.