Archive for July, 2008

Warning: Shooting the Lawn Mower Voids Warrenty

Saturday, July 26th, 2008

Man Shoots Lawn Mower

Ok, so maybe there are legitimate issues about the right to shoot your lawn mower on your lawn.  Still, in this situation I highly doubt that they’re the most important thing to worry about. You’ve got an armed man who got pissed off at an inantimate object and then tried to “learn it some respect” by shooting it.  I can’t say I don’t know the feeling either, but I’ve never taken my computer out back and shot it because I couldn’t find the missing semi-colon that was causing my program to not compile.

Side-note: It’s the computer that’s fucking up, please don’t hit the monitor. This message brought to you for the society to prevent monitor abuse.

From The Desk of Van Booven 7/26/2008 Intelligent Design

Saturday, July 26th, 2008


Dear Creationists,

If you’re going to call it intelligent design then you have to provide evidence that your designer is actually intelligent. You’re going to have a hard time convincing me that Lindsay Lohan was the product of an intelligent being. And lets talk about the genius design of our asshole. A system so great that the best way we’ve come up with getting it clean is to rub it raw with paper. And what was so intelligent about putting the forbidden tree of knowledge where they could reach it. I don’t know about you, but if I was an all powerful designer that didn’t want people to gain knowledge I wouldn’t create an apple tree that gave knowledge to you if you ate it in the first place.

The case for God’s, I mean intelligent designer’s, supposed intelligence isn’t exactly going to well. Just look at God’s track record. Oops, I said what you really believe again. He created the dinosaurs and they turned out to be a huge flop. Too dumb to even acknowledge His existence. Creates humans, eat from his tree, devolve into sin. Build a giant monument to meet Him. has to destroy it and scramble the languages. Tries a few minor destructive acts to get humanity’s attention that go pretty well ignored. Finally destroys most of the the planet in the flood except anything that could swim. Because those bastard sharks apparently never, ever, did anything wrong. That alone is a huge mark against Him in my book. So then his chosen people wind up enslaved. So he frees them and sets them loose. Gives them some rules which they’re already breaking before they even get delivered and so ignoring ex-posto-facto he makes them wander in a desert for forty years. Then these chosen people get slaughtered and used as the scapegoat of humanity for the next few thousand years until secularism takes off. If anything it seems to me that His creations are constantly outsmarting Him.

Then there was the whole matter of it taking him about four and a half billion years to get all this work done and the small clerical error of writing it down as six thousand years. You know, for somebody whose supposed to be so intelligent you’d think He’d at least not have fucked that one up. And rather than doing the intelligent thing of fixing the book he decided he’d just turn everything into a clever rouse that was just made to look like it took four billion years.

Just because somebody is all-knowing and all-powerful it doesn’t make them all-intelligent. It’s like a retarded kid on Wikipedia. He’s got all the information but he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. It’d just be nice if you morons started using Google instead of Ask Jeeves. If evolution is only just a theory then intelligent design is only just bullshit propagated by people created in God’s own image. Which, when you think about it is a pretty stellar reason to believe that He isn’t all that bright to begin with. Seriously, if you’re going to say God made you in his image, please try not to convince me that he might be a redneck. In his own image He made a people who are completely capable of ignoring logic and reason to believe in some bullshit like intelligent design.

Pro-Lobby Candidate

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

I would like to take this time to address all those under-appreciated American workers out there. These are turbulent times especially for the hardworking American lobbyist. The American people view you as the lowest of the low and your political allies on the hill are turning against you. As a member of congress I promise to protect those who benefit most from the political system, large corporate entities. This is why I support the Lobbyist. Without them our politicians would lack critical guidance. And who would write our legislation without lobbying groups? Certainly not the average American. That’s why, if elected for a mere hundred thousand dollar donation or a new yacht you, the lobbyist, get a vote in Congress. Act now and you can introduce legislation of your choice for the discounted price of a thousand dollars a bill. As politicians we owe it to these noble Americans who bought and paid for our election campaigns. That’s why come November, ask yourself, can you really vote for a candidate who wants to put an end to this valuable system of guidance for American? Can you afford a political leadership that doesn’t have the benefit of think tanks to plan out entire wars? When you enter that booth come election day, vote for me, the pro-lobby candidate.

 

Also, the comic will be out next week Wednesday.

Be Happy, Sometimes Good Things Happen

Friday, July 18th, 2008

I smiled.

From the Desk of Van Booven 7/17/2008 A Word About Repressive Feminism

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

Recently I found myself in a rather non-debated debate on whether Title IX was the answer to the problem of their not being many women in certain scientific fields. I say non-debated because this is the Internet and a rational debate taking place might just prove God exists. It was also because apparently disagreeing with the radical feminist solution automatically makes one sexist. It also tended that anytime they actually agreed with what I said I was still wrong.

The proposed problem of why their were few women was that they either left or didn’t join because of harassment in the field. That said, it is not sexist of me to suggest that women actually complain when they’re being harassed in the workplace. It’s just very hard for anybody to do anything about you being harassed when you don’t let us know you are specifically being harassed and who is doing the harassing. I do realize that filing complaints against harassment at this point in time isn’t effective because the laws don’t do enough to ensure it is properly investigated and punishment is properly handed out. So I do support strengthening those laws so something can be done about it. What I can’t do is say that we have to punish all men in the field because some men are guilty. It violates the very tenant of innocent before proven guilty.

Also saddening in this discussion was the idea that for some reason science is inherently more bigoted than any other field in academia. Despite the fact that nearly every other field has become a majority female we’re supposed to believe that the actions taken to gain a majority in these fields which started out with much the same makeup can’t work for science as well. Again, science is supposed to be the rational and logical field and you would think that if a large percentage of fields managed to solve the problem that you might form a hypothesis based on the fact of the evidence at hand. As such it is not sexist of men to argue for adopting these methods of changing the inherit ideology in the field since it worked before.

Just because this solution doesn’t unjustly cause suffering for men doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It was my understanding that the goal of feminism was equality. Ergo I should think that the solution proposed was one that ended up with equality. To say that we have to have 50% of the people automatically be women isn’t being equal, it’s being sexist. It’s saying that women are incapable of being hired on their qualifications and should simply be hired because they have a vagina to address a deficiency caused by a different problem. It’s just treating a symptom. It’s like bombing Iraq because Osama’s a threat. These quotas are discriminatory against men. You now have 50% of the men who weren’t hired, not because they were less qualified, but rather because they had a penis. You’re not stopping patriarchy, you’re replacing it with matriarchy. Why am I a sexist just because I don’t support replacing discrimination with discrimination?

You don’t fix the system when it’s not the system that is broken. If it’s the people who are broken you fix the people. Science isn’t the problem it’s the people in charge. And I’ll be the first to agree with you that there are quite a lot of broken people in this country, just look at the president, he was actually elected.

Unfortunately this type of feminism likes to push this idea of collective male guilt for patriarchy. Apparently these guys (in the debate) felt that I was sexist for not accepting this. Sorry, but there’s a reason I think Catholicism is bullshit and if you feel that all men need to feel guilty just because they have dicks then you might want to find a cross and go die on it. Speaking of which, why is it that feminists aren’t radically speaking out against Christianity? The Bible is the most repressive source of patriarchy in the western world. The idea of a Christian Feminist is rather ironic. The religious system is inherently patriarchal.

I was born in 1987. I didn’t invent patriarchy and I sure didn’t promote it. I don’t support its ideologies and I think that everybody deserves a fair shot. I recognize inequality when I see it and I try to find viable solutions to fix the problem, but I won’t go as far as to add inequality the other way. I will not accept that everything I accomplish is simply because I am a male. And if every male is guilty just because we have penises then every female is guilty for going along with patriarchal ideology from its inception. The fact that I should even have to say any of this is part of the reason we have such a hard time solving any issues. You ostracize support you would get from males who would actually help solve the problem.

There are a lot of good feminists out there. You see them almost everywhere really. Feminism has done wonderful things all across the board for both sexes. Feminism has opened up multiple fields of study and helped combat many of the repressive ideologies of patriarchy. It has done wonders for genders across the board. The problem arises when radical feminists try to make it out as sexist to disagree with matriarchal ideology. You’re doing a disservice to your cause and I wish you’d stop. Equality is neither patriarchal or matriarchal and I’m not a horrible person for pointing this out nor do you have any logic or evidence to make me out to be.

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